7 reasons it’s OK to be an awesome working Catholic mom

My story as a working Catholic mom

• Before I begin with 7 reasons why it’s ok to be an awesome working Catholic mom, I want to tell you a little bit about my journey. My goal growing up was to get married, but also to be able to provide for my family should my husband die. I planned to work full time until I met my husband and then change to part-time. I was able to achieve this goal! Not only that, but my husband has been unemployed for over a year now, so I am providing the only source of income. I am a wife, mother, homemaker, AND one of many working Catholic moms.

1. It is not a mortal sin to be a working Catholic mom

• • There are people who make the argument that if a mother works, it is a mortal sin- that mothers cannot neglect their responsibilities to their families. This is the point that I wish to clarify the most in this post. I do not want mothers fearing that they are in a state of mortal sin from working as I once did. 
  • I went to a function, predominately (if not exclusively) attended by “trad” women. I thought it was going to be a lovely gathering with beverages, snacks, socializing, and a presentation. I was completely unaware that I was walking into a large group of woman who chastised me and all working moms. There I was made to feel like a horrible human being for being a working mother. I left the event in tears.
  • A brief look at the Church’s teachings will show that it is not a grave matter to work. In a letter from the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger said:
  •  “Indeed, a just valuing of the work of women within the family is required. In this way, women who freely desire will be able to devote the totality of their time to the work of the household without being stigmatized by society or penalized financially, while those who wish also to engage in other work may be able to do so with an appropriate work-schedule, and not have to choose between relinquishing their family life or enduring continual stress, with negative consequences for one’s own equilibrium and the harmony of the family.”
  • Here Ratzinger clearly states that mothers can be stay-at-home-mothers or working mothers and should not be stigmatized. He continues to state that working should not cause negative consequences to the harmony of the family. To this point, I agree but feel that our current society plays a large role in family disharmony. An unjust social system plays a factor in a man no longer being able to provide a full, living, income for his family. Society should not make it such that women need to work. 
  • In Familiaris Consortio John Paul II writes that “While it must be recognized that women have the same right as men to perform various public functions, society must be structured in such a way that wives and mothers are not in practice compelled to work outside the home, and that their families can live and prosper in a dignified way even when they themselves devote their full time to their own family. Furthermore, the mentality which honors women more for their work outside the home than for their work within the family must be overcome. This requires that men should truly esteem and love women with total respect for their personal dignity, and that society should create and develop conditions favoring work in the home.”
  • Here Saint John Paul II is pointing out that a just economic system would not compel a woman to work outside of the home if she did not wish to. However, note that he is also clear that women have the same right to perform public functions. In a perfect marriage, the man would be able to provide for his family (living wage) and the woman would be able to tend to the needs of the household but also have time to work outside the home should she please unless it causes disharmony in the home.

2. The children won’t necessarily suffer if Mom is not home all day

• • There is so much mom guilt! There seems to be a particular stigma attached to working mothers because they are unable to be at home all day with their children.  This leads to the idea that the children will necessarily suffer as a result of the mother’s absence.  However, there does not seem to be a corresponding stigma attached to Catholic mothers who send their children to school (especially Catholic school), even though this likewise results in the mothers’ absence from their children during the better part of the day.  It seems to me that the standard should not be simply whether the mother and children are separated for part of the day, but rather–in each individual case–whether that separation actually has an observably negative impact on the children, something the Magisterium seems to support insofar as it allows women to take on outside employment provided the domestic conditions do not suffer as a result.
  • I am fortunate to have a job that provides a consistent schedule, is part-time, and allows me to be present for breakfast and dinner. Because I work nights, even when I am scheduled to work, I am usually able to arrive home before my children wake up and spend most of the morning with them before having to go to sleep for work.  And even then, even though I’m sleeping, they know I’m still there in case anything should happen.
  • I can take them to the doctor, dentist, etc. I can homeschool before my sleep time. The kids also have rest/nap time so in total, I miss very little time with them. I also get to be home with them for days on end uninterrupted by work. When I am not available usually MY HUSBAND watches the children. There is no need for a sitter or daycare. I do not believe my children unnecessarily suffer from my employment. I am comforted too that my children are less susceptible to gun violence, drugs, and other mature topics by staying home with us more.
  • I believe that my children benefit from time spent with other family members or carefully chosen babysitters taking care of them. However, I agree that if I were to be gone all of the time, my children might suffer! Sometimes their grandparents, who love their valuable time with the kids, watch them. They have taught my girls and/or enjoy time with my children talking about their time abroad, listening to oldie tunes, knitting, baking, playing games, etc.-a mutually beneficial relationship. My child learned how to paint and draw from a babysitter; a skill that she would not have learned from me. 

3. Mutual decision making

• • My husband and I made a decision together to follow the spirit of the Benedictine Rule. We chose not to move across the country, away from family and friends, for hubby to work. We feared that would create a nomadic lifestyle without roots only to move back again, hopefully, in the future when he found a job back home. We simply have to trust in the Lord that he will find work close to our current home. It was shared decision making about our vocations and family goals as a couple. There was no disharmony; it was a mutual decision not made lightly. 
  • Working Catholic moms can still respect their husbands if they work outside of the house. Pope Leo XIII in Arcanum Divinae writes “The man is the ruler of the family, and the head of the woman; but because she is flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, let her be subject and obedient to the man, not as a servant but as a companion, so that nothing be lacking of honor or of dignity in the obedience which she pays. Let divine charity be the constant guide of their mutual relations, both in him who rules and in her who obeys, since each bears the image, the one of Christ, the other of the Church.” A working mother and wife is still submitting to her husband’s will if that is what he is comfortable with! Only if there is disharmony in the house or the husband does not want the wife working for a particular reason and she works anyway is the family’s hierarchy gravely disturbed.

4. Working Catholic moms support the family

• • As I mentioned in #1, I believe that all families should receive a living wage. It is saddening the number of women who need to work in order to cover necessary expenses–especially when often so much of that extra income is needed to cover the additional expense of daycare caused by their absence from the home.
  • Pope Pius XI states in Casti Connubii that “if the man is the head, the woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love. Again, this subjection of wife to husband in its degree and manner may vary according to the different conditions of persons, place and time. In fact, if the husband neglect his duty, it falls to the wife to take his place in directing the family. But the structure of the family and its fundamental law, established and confirmed by God, must always and everywhere be maintained intact.” 
  • I like to imagine myself as imitating a version of the Proverbs 31 woman who works in the night before her family rises, provides for the household by working the family business, and wears purple :). I help maintain the family structure and the chief place in love by working for my family when my husband cannot.
  • A woman can certainly provide for the family (or herself if unmarried) if the husband is unable! Think about stay at home dads, disabled dads, minimum wage with a large family, barely getting by, elderly/disabled dependents OR just for a season and not permanent. The reasons a woman may need to work for her family are many!

5. Working Catholic moms must be efficient

• • If one has less time she tends to use it more productively. If you have 8 hours to study for a test, inevitably there will be some breaks for a walk, social media, chatting with a friend, etc. however, if you only have 4 hours to study, likely all of that time would be for studying. Studies have demonstrated this again and again, hence the push for shorter workdays and weeks in some countries. 
  • As working moms, we tend not to do less regarding routine chores, homemaking, etc. We have to be more efficient with our time because we have less of it and have less time to take breaks. I am lucky to be able to work part-time, provide a full-time income, and still be available for homeschooling and homemaking. It can be hard to have such rigid routines. But it can be just as hard to be a stay at home mother working with the kids day in and day out. All mothers have struggles along the way.  

6. Working Catholic moms can be Saints!

• • If it were truly a mortal sin to be a working mother then we would not have Catholic Mothers who are SAINTS! Take some of the most famous examples- St Gianna, St Ann Seton, and St Zelie Martin!
  • St. Gianna Molla was a wife, mother, and pediatric doctor! She worked hard for her family especially when her husband, who was an engineer, went off to the mountains to spend time alone. She became a Saint in part due to refusal to abort (directly or indirectly) her unborn child due to a large uterine fibroid. 
  • St. Elizabeth Ann Seton was a wife, mother, and founder of the Sisters of Charity. Her husband died at a young age from tuberculosis. She was left to support her children. She founded the first American religious community for women (Sisters of Charity) and opened the first American Catholic parish school and orphanage. 
  • St. Zelie Martin, mother of St Therese de Lisieux, ran a lace-making business while caring for her family (5 children plus 4 more who died in infancy). 
  • While working, we are still able to incorporate prayer throughout the day and offer up sufferings for others. I will offer up my shift caring for sick children for other people that I know who are suffering. Working moms make sacrifices as all parents do.

7. Working Catholic Moms use their talents both inside and outside of the home

• • Women are allowed to use their talents outside of the home if they so choose. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger encourages it in the aforementioned letter from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith stating “It means also that women should be present in the world of work and in the organization of society, and that women should have access to positions of responsibility which allow them to inspire the policies of nations and to promote innovative solutions to economic and social problems.” Thanks to modern technology a lot of time is freed up in a woman’s day. Machines can do some of the work that has traditionally been assigned to the woman. We have electricity, plumbing, crockpots, instant pots, dishwashers, washing machines, microwaves, ovens, etc. If a couple wishes to, these things allow women to have more action in the public sphere. 
  • Today women can work in a variety of capacities. Some professions outside the home in particular pertain to the fulfillment of all Christians. They can teach during the same hours that their children are in school. They can even be a school nurse like my mother and dear friend’s mother. They are home for all of the snow days, holidays, vacations, etc! I happen to have the heart and mind to care for sick children. Tending to the sick is an act of charity and a corporal work of mercy. Using skill sets outside of the home is not inherently wrong! Also in modern society women can engage in business while remaining at home.
  • My parents did not give me the option to move back home after college. Unfortunately, having not met a future husband during college, I was forced to take a career path. Working as an unmarried woman is something that even people who feel women working outside the home is usually a grave sin allow. I chose a career that would allow me to provide for my children should my husband die. Though at the time I did not think of unemployment, disability, and myriad other reasons a husband might not be able to work, my plan worked! My husband could not work and I am able to help our family while caring for sick children. 
  • My work outside of the home allows for suffering and sanctification. It would be worse for my family if I chose not to work during this time as we would lack food and shelter among many other things. It contributes to the harmony not disharmony of the family unit during this season. 

Saints Gianna, Elizabeth Ann Seton, Zelie Martin- pray for us!

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